A very Good Morning to everyone..

03 April 09, Friday 0726am

What a new day to start again.. I have surfing the net all night long and decided to take a rest, a goodnight sleep but end up I still awake and thinking to blog.. At 6am, after I done everything that I should do which are - browsed through the website that a friend of mine gave to me and I have sent all CV that I should send to.. there goes my sleeping time.. I decided to sleep but who knows I can't sleep.. *sigh* I have been thinking a lot of things while I lying on the bed.. The person I met, the things I've done, and the time I've wasted.. I realized that I really have passed lots of opportunity..

And now I am awake, in front of my old laptop trying to drop down how am I feeling right now.. =.=" I'm not feeling well.. Those sickness just can't leave me I guess..

Anyway, I have a thought that I couldnt understand.. Why does those people thinks that I am unable to work? Why does those people thinks that I can't work properly? Why? Why? Why? Isit because I love to have fun? Isit because I played a lot? Isit because of my personality? Isit because of my attitude?? or isit because of my face written that I unable to work??? Isit??? Damn!!! I just don't understand..I just don't! and the funny thing is a friend of mine who also love to have fun and do go out to play or hangout with me, they still do gave her apportunity to try to work for them!! *chuckle* Funny right?? Why?? Why???

And why everytime have people offered me a job but then in the end, end up they asking something back from me! I was thinking, isit because of my attitude? isit because of my look? isit because of my personality?! damn..I'm really tired of this! Why can't they just offer me a job and let me try and see my performance??!!! I don't think that I'm useless until that level..I don't think that I can't even do properly a freaking job! I don't think that I can't stop having fun and settle down!! I think I can do it! I think I can do what the company ask me to do! I think I can sacrifice a lot just to get a freaking job! I know I can!!! but Why?!?!!??!?! Why???!?!?!?!?! Why I just don't deserve a chance to prove?!? Why?!?!

I just need a chance! Please.. I'm exausted!! I'm tired!! Please let me try!!! At least give me a chance to prove to everyone that me, Micky Chia, can work! can sacrifice!! *crying* I don't want people to look down on me! and they do!!! I'm not that useless!! I had enough of these things! Enough!!!! I'm tired!! Could anyone please tell me what I should do? Damn!!! Why would I so pathetic?!?!?! Why?? and why u people have to make me feel so pathetic?! Isit because of my F*cking attitude??

I am tired.. Even the closest people also look down on me! They think I am trash! Yea, I do admitted that I used to have fun a lot and played a lot! but that doesn't mean that I can't do anything! Right? the thing is whether I willing to sacrifice the "fun" times only.. Please anyone, tell me, am I right?

Everything I do, they just can't accept! They for sure will have a lot of comments of it! I grown up maybe not that mature enough, but still I have my own thinking! and I know what I am doing! I went through a lot by myself!! by myself!!!!! No one were there guiding me!!! No one were there telling me what is wrong what is right!! and all those things that I knew I discovered by myself! I go through with myself!! I have learned a lot of things!! By myself as well!!!! Even my family, they were not there when I need them!! There were NOT THERE!!! When I the most down and most suffer, I tried to ask for their help, NO!!! the answer is NO!!! Always NO!!!! Why!!! and now they try to judge everything I do!!! I know I shouldn't have this kind of thoughts! but why?! Why when the time I need them the most, they just Freaking IGNORED ME!!!! I used to think I am ALL ALONE!!! Everything I have to do it myself!!! yesh!! I know!! I am a grown up woman now! and i should do it myself! but at least, when I need U, can u please Stand up and lend me ur shoulder?!?!

A lot of people told me that family is the most important people in the world! no one will stand by your side when U feeling down but your family! That's a bullshit for me!!! BULLSHIT!!!! I know I shouldn't saying like this but why? why they treated me like this! yes I know I have been very unobedient when I was young, but I'm still your child! YOUR CHILD!!! can u please show me a bit of care?! a bit of love?! not just keep pouring those freaking cold water at me!! I do! I do tried when I needed them the most, I do tried to go back and ask for their care and love!!! but how did they treated me?? How?? You can't blamed me that I cared my friends more than you do! because u did nothing for me! at least when I need somebody there to listen to rub my hair or hug me, my friends are there for me!

I can say that I really lack of care and love! I just need somebody there when I'm feeling down and don't no what to do! Thats it! I ask no more!

I used to trusted a lot of people! I used to trusted them when they say they really wiling to help me! I am!! but everytime! everytime!! everytime I trust them, for sure they were asking me favor to return! this does not mean like I have to work for them like hell or what!! They were asking sth which I really couldn't give!! my body!! F**K!!!! I am so stupid!!! How could I believed what they offering me for nothing in return! Why?!?!?! I really have enough of this! I just want to live normal life! I don't want to involve in what trading business! because of this, there goes my precious hair..

Alright.. I am very "emo" now..I know.. and really sorry for those bad words coming out from my mouth! I just want to release it out..

I really decided to work, to settle down.. not by keep having fun all the times.. I just hope there is an opportunity for me to prove to everyone that I, Micky Chia can work can live the normal people's lived their life! I can! and I willing to sacrifice my times.. I really do.. I do not want they will only thinks that ahh micky cant work, micky cant do, micky cant stop playing, micky cant stop fooling around, micky is a failure!

Please..I just need a chance! I just need an opportunity to prove..Wait.. I will wait.. I'm trying hard to get a job right now which I never do before.. I know I've let a lot of people down on me.. I used to.. but now.. I changed! I've changed! and I know I can do it! and I will do it!!! you guys out there (whoever looking down on me) wait and watch!! I'm gonna make you guys popped out your eye ball!!!

Have a good day!